The $2.99 Special

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the ’seniors’ special’ was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

‘Sounds good,’ my wife said. ‘But I don’t want the eggs.’

‘Then, I’ll have to charge you three dollars and forty-nine cents because you’re ordering a la carte,’ the waitress warned her.

‘You mean I’d have to pay for not taking the eggs?’ my wife asked incredulously.

‘YES!!’ stated the waitress.

‘I’ll take the special then,’ my wife said.

‘How do you want your eggs?’ the waitress asked.

‘Raw and in the shell,’ my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

Cheerful Giver

A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson. She gave the little girl a quarter and a dollar for church. “Put whichever one you want in the collection plate and keep the other for yourself,” she told the girl.

Sunday, when they were coming out of the church, the mother asked her daughter which amount she had given.

“Well,” said the little girl, “I was going to give the dollar, but just before the collection the preacher said that God loves a cheerful giver. I knew I’d be a lot more cheerful if I gave the quarter, so I did.”

Real Charity

“Real charity doesn’t care if it’s tax deductible or not.”

What Makes Us Rich

“We are not made rich by what is in our pockets, but by what is in our hearts.”

Riches are a Blessing

“Riches are a blessing only to those who make them a blessing to others.”

A Sizable Donation

When the minister picked up the phone, Special Agent Struzik from the IRS was on the line.

“Hello, is this the minister?”

“Yes, this is.”

“I’m calling to inquire about a member of your congregation, a Dr. Shipe. Do you recognize the name?”

“Yes, he is a member of our congregation. How can I be of service?”

“Well, on last year’s tax return, the doctor claimed that he made a sizable tax-deductable contribution to your church. Is this true?”

“Well, I’ll have to have our bookkeeper verify this information for you. How much did Dr. Shipe say he contributed?”

“Twenty five thousand dollars,” answered Agent Struzik. “Can you tell me if that amount is true?”

There is a long pause. “I’ll tell you what,” replied the minister…

“Call back tomorrow. I’m sure it will be.”

True Wealth

“True wealth is not measured in money or status or power. It is measured in the legacy we leave behind for those we love and those we inspire.” – Cesar Chavez

I’m Broke

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”

“Go away!” said the old lady. “I’m broke and haven’t got any money!” and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. “Don’t be too hasty!” he said.

“Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.” And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

“If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.”

The old lady stepped back and said, “Well let me get you a fork, ’cause they cut off my electricity this morning.”