A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”
“Yes,” the class said.
“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”
A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”
A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three-year-old, “If you pretend you’re asleep, he stops.”
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” – Franklin P. Jones
A 4-year-old was brought to the ER with a severe cough. She kept up a non-stop conversation while the nurse was trying to assess her lung sounds.
Finally, the nurse said, “Shhh, I have to see if Barney is in there.”
The child looked at her and calmly stated, “I have Jesus in my heart. Barney’s on my underwear.”
A three-year-old opened the birthday gift from his grandmother and discovered it was a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.
His mother was not so pleased. She turned to her mother and said, “I’m surprised at you, Mother! Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?”
The grandmother smiled sweetly and replied, “I remember.”
“Those who do too much for their children will soon find they can do nothing with their children. So many children have had so much done for them, that they are almost done in.” – Neal A. Maxwell
“We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.” – Phyllis Diller
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, “Yes I’ll do it if it will save her.”
As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a
trembling voice, “Will I start to die right away?”
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor, he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. “How much is an ice cream sundae?” he asked.
“Fifty cents,” replied the waitress. The little boy pulled hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. “Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?” he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.
“Thirty-five cents,” she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. “I’ll have the plain ice cream,” he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.
When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies…
You see, he couldn’t have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
The waitress comes over and recognizes the family seated at the table – Mr & Mrs Smith and their little son. Jonathan.
She says, “Jonathan, what would you like?”
He says, “I’ll have a grilled cheese sandwich.”
She says, “Jonathan, I’m sorry, we don’t serve grilled cheese sandwiches.”
He says, “You have a grill, don’t you?”
She says, “Yes.”
He says, “You have cheese, don’t you?”
She says, “Yes.”
He says, “You have bread, don’t you?”
She says, “Yes.”
He says, “Well, I’ll have a grilled cheese sandwich.”
This kid is three years old!!
The waitress says, “Jonathan, I’ll go see if the chef will fix you a grilled cheese sandwich.”
She comes back in a little while and says, “Okay, Jonathan, the chef agreed to fix you a grilled cheese sandwich. I forgot to ask you, though, what you want to drink.”
He says, “I’ll have a milkshake.”
She says, “Jonathan, your parents have probably already told you we don’t serve milkshakes.” She was ready for him this time. She says, “Now, it is true we have milk. And it is true we have ice cream. But we don’t have the syrup.”
He says, “You have a car, don’t you?”
After my 11 year old son did something really dumb, I called him a “moron.” He looked at he like he was saying, “Dad, do you know anything?”
He finally said “Dad I looked ‘moron’ up in the dictionary and the definition of it is ‘a person who has the intelligence of a 12 year old.’ Thanks Dad, you just gave me a compliment!”
Christmas Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break.
“We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania,” he replied.
“That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word,” the teacher said. “Can you tell the class how you spell that?”
Little Johnny thought about it and said, “You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio.”
A little boy was caught swearing by his teacher.
“Jeffrey,” she said, “you shouldn’t use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?”
“My daddy said it,” he responded.
“Well, it doesn’t matter,” explained the teacher, “you don’t even know what it means.”
“I do, so!” Jeffrey corrected. “It means the car won’t start.”
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”
This is a list of comments from test papers, essays, etc., submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students. It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades. The spellings are the original ones.
A little girl went up to her mother one day while holding her stomach saying, “Mommy, my stomach hurts.”
Her mother replied, “That’s because it’s empty, you have to put something into it!” She then prepared a bowl of soup.
Later that day when the pastor and his wife were over for dinner. The pastor began to feel bad. Holding his head he said, “I have such a terrible headache!”
The little girl looked up at him, giving him the sweetest smile that any little child could give. Then she said, “That’s because it’s empty, you have to put something into it!”
A 4-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation.
He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food.
He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited–and waited.
After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, “If I thank God for the broccoli, won’t He know that I’m lying?”
The coach for the little league team had not yet learned the names of all the players, so he called them by the numbers on their uniforms.
He yelled, “Number 5, your time to bat,” and Jeff came to the plate to hit. He yelled, “Number 7,” and Steve jumped up. Then he yelled, “Number one,” but no one got up.
Again he called out, “Number one.” Still no one emerged from the dugout. The umpire was getting annoyed at the delay, so the coach yelled out, “Who’s number one?”
The entire team responded, “We are, coach. We are!”
